Justin's Testimony
Year 3 Occupational Therapy
Curtin University, Perth
My faith has always been a passive one, I was a Sunday Catholic, just going for Mass every week, and only praying while in church. CUR was my first retreat since confirmation camp, 9 years ago! In July 2019, I got invited to attend Catholic Youth Day (CYD). After attending the talks and the whole experience of CYD, it sparked something in me, to want to know more about why we believe what we believe in as Catholics. So, my journey started off as a search for knowledge. Also, during his address to the crowd, Father Jude said something that really stuck with me. He said, “On behalf of the catholic church, I want to apologise to anyone who has been hurt by us.” The humility he showed by saying those words really astounded me. Soon after, I had to return back to Perth for my studies where I met a few Singaporean Catholics who encouraged me to sign up for CUR.
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The day before the retreat, I was really nervous about it. The biggest fear for me was that if I went, I was going to change somehow, and I’m not the biggest fan of change. Despite being fearful, I somehow knew that this was something that I needed to do.
My CGL in Perth once told me that I can lift up my sufferings, failures and insecurities up to Jesus and he can bear them for us. That for me was like WHAT, what is this revelation? Like what do you mean, we can just give him our burdens? So, I spent my personal prayer time, praying about this, trying to give my burdens up to God, but it never felt like it left me, I never felt any relief. Or at least, I didn’t understand this whole concept of offering up your sufferings to God.
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As CUR began, they talked about openness so many times, it felt like God was screaming it at me, “OPEN UP YOUR MIND AND YOUR HEART!!”. Which was exactly what I had been praying for the past few months, and now I had the opportunity to exercise it, and in such a conducive environment as well.
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During the night session on the first day, we were asked to bring along baby photos of ourselves and place it at the nativity scene, at the foot of baby Jesus, then proceed to share an embrace with our facil and they would pray for us. During that whole process, I received a message, to be able to let go of everything, every little failure, every bit of suffering and insecurities that have been holding me back, and return to the child-like innocence, just like baby Jesus, and return to the Father. God touched my heart and told me, “I am here, I have always been listening”. It was a very surreal experience, not one that I can explain through words. I heard a voice within me and I just knew that it was God speaking to me. Through this experience, I had the chance to let everything go, and just open my heart to Jesus and allow him to be with me. This helped me to be open to what God wanted to give me the coming days. After experiencing all this goodness during the first couple of days, I was thinking how I could continue to live this change of heart for the Lord. In one of the sessions, Fr Jude mentioned that everyone experiences faith differently, but we are all called to share that faith with the wider community.
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Leaving the retreat, I felt a strong calling to help build my Catholic communities both in Singapore and in Perth. Now, 7 months later, I still feel a strong conviction to continue on this mission that I feel called to. I also am constantly looking for avenues to challenge and grow my own personal faith so that I may be able to share it with my communities.
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The retreat was supposed to prepare us for Christmas, but somehow, I felt that the retreat was tailor-made for me. It answered a lot of questions that I was asking about my own faith. Funny how the Lord works. Now I won’t say that I have all the answers now, and I still constantly struggle with my own internal battles. But with faith and knowing that God is by your side at all times, really makes the process of life a more peaceful one. I can only recommend, to anyone reading this, that if you are searching for God in your life, look to the Godly and lifegiving people you have around you, because the answer might not be too far away from them :-)